Ancient ‘sex toy’ could be the oldest and most used in Britain, experts say

As Jim's father from American Pie reminds us throughout the movie, masturbation is 'completely normal'.

And looking at this ancient 'sex toy', it's clear that our ancestors had needs too.

Researchers who were assuringly looking for non-erotic objects discovered the wooden log at a Roman fort south of Hadrian's Wall in northern England last year.

Findings from the Vindolanda site suggest that the area was under Roman occupation from around 85 AD to 370 AD.

However, in 1992 researchers weirdly came across a weird-looking wooden object around 6.2 inches in length.

It's clear that our ancestors had needs too. (Vindolanda Trust)

Above average, I see.

Anyway, the object, carved from ash, was not highly decorated and had been crafted by humans enough to create a solid looking woodpecker.

Bringing a whole new meaning to the term 'wood', experts believe it could have been used as a sexual implement back in the day.

I don't even want to think about the possibility of splinters.

The suggestion is based on the shape of the object, which researchers noticed was smooth on both ends, indicating 'repeated contact over time'.

Dr Rob Collins, one of the authors of the study, told the MailOnline: "If the object is a sex toy, we believe it could be the oldest example from Britain."

"The size of the phallus and the fact that it was carved from wood raises a number of questions to its use," he added. "We cannot be certain of its intended use, in contrast to most other phallic objects that make symbolic use of that shape for a clear function, like a good luck charm."

The wooden object was found 'discarded in a ditch'. (Vindolanda Trust)

The Vindolanda Charitable Trust has explained the object was found discarded in a ditch, leading it to question: "What was ‘it’ doing, discarded in a ditch? And where did ‘it’ come from?

"Can we do more to understand what caused the wear patterns which are so evident at the tip and on the base, but did not damage the shaft?"

I'm sure some of the filthier minds out there have plenty of suggestions as to what caused the wear.

The purpose of the object has been debated for some time, with some initially suggesting it may have been used for darning after it was found alongside dozens of shoes and dress accessories.

Barbara Birley, Curator at the Vindolanda Trust, highlighted the importance of the find as she commented: "The wooden phallus may well be currently unique in its survival from this time, but it is unlikely to have been the only one of its kind used at the site, along the frontier, or indeed in Roman Britain."

Topics: Weird, Sex and Relationships

Anish Vij

Anish is a GG2 Young Journalist of the Year 2024 finalist. He has a Master's degree in Multimedia Journalism and a Bachelor's degree in International Business Management. Apart from that, his life revolves around the ‘Four F’s’ - family, friends, football and food. Email: [email protected]

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