Let’s be honest, no relationship is perfect. Yeah, your mate might sit super smug in the pub and pretend they have no issues, but there’s always going to be a bump in the road.
And while experts say there are ‘red flags’ to keep an eye out for or questions that can ‘make or break you’, plenty of things can be worked through.
So, a relationship expert has shared the ‘most important sex advice’ that could save people’s relationships.
Esther Perel is a psychotherapist known around the world for her work on human relationships. And she previously appeared on an episode of Steven Bartlett’s Diary of a CEO podcast - because at this point, who hasn’t?
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The Belgian-American discussed couples experiencing ‘sexless’ relationships and people facing a ‘block’ is actually very common.
Although, Perel said it’s not necessarily about the frequency of having a shag but whether all affection and intimate touch has stopped.
So, the expert simply said it all comes down to good communication when it comes to both preventing it and coming back from sexlessness.
“I don’t care how often, I care about the quality of the experience – the connection you have with yourself and with another,” she said.
Perel advises it’s about being able to talk about ‘giving touch and taking touch’ as well as what each other’s fantasies are and ‘how you ask for the things you like’.
“How do you create a vocabulary that isn’t negative and critical and castrating? How do you pay attention to how the other person is responding?”
While she says these conversations are often ‘never had’ between couples and often she meets with partners separately to help them ‘articulate’ what it is they want.
For Perel, sex is very much quality over quantity and she advises couples to focus on this too. She reckons simply by having better communication about it all, they can improve their sex lives together.
“Once you’ve actually invited them into a whole other conversation about what is pleasure for you, what is connection, what is the difference between desire and arousal,” she says, things can begin to change drastically.
She also recommends putting sex into the context of ‘play and playfulness’ to have a very ‘different kind of revelation and honesty’.
So, yeah, basically, her key advice is to just actually open up and chat to one another. Seems simple enough, right?
Topics: Sex and Relationships
Jess Battison