Being able to tell if your partner is cheating on you is not something a lot of us want to think about, but it could save you from a world of hurt.
Of course, a single clue won't be able to reveal if your significant other is guilty of infidelity, regardless of how stable you think your relationship is.
Consultant psychologist from the Chelsea Psychology Clinic, Elena Touroni, has worked with hundreds of couples, and has shared how to spot the difference between someone really cheating, or if you might be acting overly insecure.
Advert
She has highlighted 'a few tell-tale signs' to look out for in the complicated world of infidelity.
When someone is really needy
Speaking to The Telegraph, Touroni has highlighted people that are 'insecure in themselves', requiring affirmation from their significant other, though the person may not be able to give them the attention they need.
Advert
This can lead to the 'needier' individual to seek out external validation from someone else, without the other knowing.
The scary part about this one is that it doesn't happen early on in a relationship, instead only later on, once the attention starts to fade, as it naturally does.
It's only when there is a gap in emotional needs, not necessarily material needs, does this happen, causing a person to cheat when meeting someone who makes them feel like they did in the early days of the relationship.
But she explains: "But if people stay connected – and communicate with each other – then it’s unlikely there would be a gap for someone new to move into."
Being drawn to unavailable partners
Certain men and women are drawn to unavailable partners, usually due to an early childhood experience, maybe an unavailable parent, in the hope that it will be better this time.
Advert
The doctor highlights it is mostly women that fall into this trap, as she explains: "Sometimes people make what we call pattern-driven choices – choices based on what has happened to them in their past – in who they choose to be with. These people are more at risk of being cheated on."
A big life event
Huge changes in life, or a certain event, can cause an affair, as the expert explains that 'most people' will have the opportunity to have an affair, as someone is attracted to them, while they might be too, without acting on it.
Advert
However, there needs to be dissatisfaction in the relationship for something to happen, as the psychologist says that children are 'the number one life change that creates distance', as the attention goes from the couple to the child.
Intimacy and sexual relationship among the two is usually affected.
Deaths of those in the family or anything traumatic can create 'some psychological destabilisation' that can cause someone to cheat.
One partner has cheated before
If there's a psychological reason behind one of the people in the relationship cheating in the past, there may be a tendency for them to do it again.
Advert
Touroni explained: "Most of the time it’s some internal feeling about themselves - such as having a difficulty with being dependent in their relationships."
A fear of commitment can cause them to feel anxious and act out.
Lack of communication
She revealed she 'can often tell' if someone is cheating in a relationship as their stories don't add up.
If one person in the relationship doesn't reciprocate the positivity or commitment shown by the other, it is often a sign that something is missing.
"As the relationship therapist, you feel that something isn’t resonating about why these two people are really struggling.
"Usually, you find the answers in the person’s background – you begin to dig into their history and discover clues," she revealed, again mentioning their upbringing.
One of the people is a narcissist
Narcissism can play a crucial part in spoiling a relationship.
"Generally, these people want to be absolutely loved and worshipped – they feed their sense of self through lots of attention," Touroni says.
She explained that people either cheat with a lot of different people, or with one sole person in a 'parallel relationship'.
"Business trip flings are a good example of that – some people tell themselves it’s not really a commitment to another person. Their perception might be 'I’ve been in this relationship for a long time and the sex isn’t rewarding, but this is keeping me sexually alive'," she highlighted.
A parallel relationship could be a bigger issue as they're really not happy and would rather find a new relationship than fix the current one.
Sex life
Touroni highlights that if the sexual relationship is better, then it is more likely that the relationship is in a good place.
If they have done it sporadically, she says: "That is probably a sign for me that their relationship is going in the wrong direction.
"If I am in a session with one half of the couple I will ask how much time they spend together and what it’s like."
She also says that the relationship history of the partner is crucial too.
Topics: Mental Health, Sex and Relationships, Community
Joshua Nair