Sex expert says there are five reasons why men stop sleeping with their partners
Although the male population might have a reputation for having high sex drives and pestering their partners for some rumpy pumpy 24/7, believe it or not, this isn't actually the case.
Don't get me wrong, a lot of blokes do just love bonking - but it's women who are the ones left lusting for more than they get, according to this sex therapist.
Apparently, it's the ladies who aren't satisfied with the frequency of their lovemaking sessions in roughly one third of the couples who seek professional help over their conflicting sex drives.
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When your fella's libido seems to hit a never-ending low, it's easy to jump to the worst case scenario and presume that they're either getting it somewhere else, or that they have fallen out of love with you.
However, UK-based sex expert Tracey Cox reckons it is much more likely that your man is shunning sex due to five other reasons - which have more to do with him than you.
The author, columnist and relationship guru explained that you don't need to panic, but you should instead take a closer look at what is going on in your other half's life.
Erection difficulties
If you're in a long-term relationship and have realised that your boyfriend's sex drive has been in a lengthy slump, it might be due to the physical issues he is experiencing.
She suggested that men, especially those over 40, may be experiencing erection difficulties which could be the reason for your partner's lack of libido - a situation which can leave them feeling 'humiliated, depressed and emasculated'.
The sexpert told the Daily Mail: "The first time he doesn't get an erection on cue is a sobering experience, even if he's not sober. If it happens more than once, it often rates as one of the worst moments of his life.
"Many men would rather not have sex at all than deal with a penis that 'doesn't work'. Sex to most men means putting their penis in something.
"It's extremely difficult to convince a man that oral sex, hand-jobs, kissing, touching and using a sex toy also counts as sex. You can do a lot without an erection, but most men don't believe it – and aren't interested in exploring the concept."
Low self esteem
We all know women are bombarded with unrealistic beauty standards by society, but we often forget that men also feel the pressure of keeping up their appearance.
Guys also like to look good, but the body goals they are chasing are usually a completely different kettle of fish to ladies.
The hands of time might have been unfair on them wrinkle-wise, their hair might be thinning and they might have let their intense workout routine slip after getting comfortable in your relationship.
So if your man is not feeling confident in his appearance, he's hardly going to want to get his kit off and rock your world for a few seconds, is he?
Cox explained: "Men aren't immune to feeling depressed when their appearance changes.
"This is especially true if his partner is much younger or seems to be faring better than he is. It's one thing revealing a podgy belly while trying to seduce a wife who also has one.
"Quite another, if she's still sporting a six-pack and you swear she looks a little disgusted to see it."
Naturally different libidos
According to the sex expert, the lack of action you're getting in the bedroom could simply come down to you having a higher sex drive than your other half.
Despite the fact you might have been at it like rabbits throughout the honeymoon stage, things often seem to slow down when you settle into the relationship.
Cox says that people experience an 'artificial boost of desire' when they first get together, but their sex drive typically starts to slip around two years in, or after you have had children.
She explained: "Low desire people can maintain a healthy sex drive if they are having sex regularly.
"But if sex stops and his motivation to seek it out isn't strong, his libido will drop to its natural resting place which might be much lower than their partner expected.
"Very few women think it's because their partner simply has a naturally low sex drive. While we talk a lot about women losing desire, we rarely talk about men losing interest long-term.
"The truth is men don't inherently have a higher sex drive than women: it's a stereotype. The reality is more nuanced.
"Desire is a complex interplay of biological, psychological, and social factors that vary widely between individuals, regardless of gender. Our 'resting libido' is also at least partly genetically based."
Killed sex drive with kindness
Cox reminded couples that their partner's past experiences when it comes to sex will likely have ramifications on the regularity and content of your lovemaking sessions.
She said some lads might not have been raised to 'seek out sex whenever they can', while others may have.
If your boyfriend grew up watching the male figures having affairs or being sexually promiscuous, he may correlate wanting sex or having a high sex drive with getting in trouble, according to the expert.
Cox continued: "He may well subconsciously decide not to let that happen to him. Wanting sex is dangerous, maybe even disgusting. This can also happen to men if their mother has been treated badly by men.
"The message she sends (deliberately or unconsciously) is that men's sex drives are harmful to women.
"Her son then works hard to dampen his and feels shame if he doesn't succeed. Normal things that nearly all adolescents enjoy, like masturbation and fantasising, become negative experiences.
"Having become the man he wanted to be – one who isn't sexually aggressive or predatory – he thinks he's being kind by not wanting to have sex with you."
Don't you wish they'd just be the sort of kind where they pick their socks up off the floor instead?
Something's bothering him
Although you may reckon it's another woman on his mind, your man might actually be struggling emotionally with something which is in turn translating into his lack of sex drive.
Let's be honest, frolicking beneath the sheets is the last thing you are thinking about when you are overthinking or stressing about work, family, or your health.
Cox referenced a study which found that one in five men say their libido has taken a hit because they are too stressed due to their jobs.
"Then they kill what little desire is left by doing what lots of people do when stressed: self-medicate with alcohol," she said. "Excessive drinking affects the production of testosterone, the primary hormone responsible for our sex drive."
Blokes are unknowingly getting themselves stuck in a vicious circle from here, as Cox explained that the 'kick-on effect' for all of these factors is often depression or anxiety.
The relationship boffin said men might visit a doctor who prescribes them anti-depressants and possibly blood pressure pills, which would then be the final nail in the coffin for their sex drive.
She said this would 'effectively wiping out any cravings that might have still be hopefully hanging around'.
"An ever-growing list of medications dampen the most enthusiastic libido," Cox added.
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Health, Mental Health, News
Olivia Burke