John Davidson has told how his 'stomach dropped' when he began experiencing tics in the audience at the BAFTAs.
The Scottish activist, 54, has opened up about how what 'started as one of the most memorable experiences of his life' went awry on Sunday (22 February).
He shouted out a racial slur while Sinners stars Delroy Lindo and Michael B Jordan were presenting an award on stage. However, he wants to emphasise that this wasn't the only tic he experienced that evening.
Davidson, whose experience of growing up with Tourette's Syndrome inspired the film I Swear, explained he actually 'ticked perhaps 10 different offensive words' while at the BAFTAs.
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He emphasised that these vocal and physical eruptions are not intentional, 'a choice' or a 'reflection of his values', telling Variety: "I want people to know and understand that my tics have absolutely nothing to do with what I think, feel or believe. It’s an involuntary neurological misfire."
The campaigner also revealed that a microphone was situated 'just in front' of him during the awards show, adding: "And with hindsight I have to question whether this was wise, so close to where I was seated, knowing I would tic."
Davidson explained that he can often shout out 'involuntary obscene or offensive language' due to a symptom of Tourette's called coprolalia.
According to the Tourette Association, coprolalia is a term which describes the 'involuntary outburst of obscene words or socially inappropriate and derogatory remarks'.
"It is one of the hardest tics to manage and can be very distressing for those living with it," Davidson said of this aspect of the condition. "Many individuals report discrimination and isolation as a result.
"When socially unacceptable words come out, the guilt and shame on the part of the person with the condition is often unbearable and causes enormous distress.
"I can’t begin to explain how upset and distraught I have been as the impact from Sunday sinks in."
Davidson - who said he had previously been 'physically beaten to within an inch of his life' after causing offence with a tic - explained he doesn't have the ability to suppress them.
"My brain works so fast and the tics have always been so aggressive that I have no idea when they are coming or what they will be," he continued. "I have almost no ability to suppress, and when the situation is stressful, I have absolutely no choice but to tic - it simply bursts out of me like a gunshot. Tourette’s can make my body or voice do things I don’t mean, and sometimes those tics land on the worst possible words.
"I want to be really clear that the intent behind them is zero. What you’re hearing is a symptom - not my character, not my thought, not my belief."
The campaigner went on to note that what he comes out with is often 'the opposite of what he believes', adding: "The most offensive word that I ticked at the ceremony, for example, is a word I would never use and would completely condemn if I did not have Tourette’s."
He then explained another aspect of the condition, known as echolalia, means his tics are often triggered by what he can see and hear.
Davidson then revealed some of the other tics he made during the BAFTAs which seemingly went unheard throughout the broadcast.
He said: "When the chair of BAFTA started speaking on Sunday, I shouted, 'Boring'.
"[Host] Alan Cumming joked about his own sexuality and, when referencing Paddington Bear, said, 'Maybe you would like to come home with me, Paddington. It wouldn’t be the first time I have taken a hairy Peruvian bear home with me'. This resulted in homophobic tics from me and led to a shout of 'paedophile', that was likely triggered because Paddington Bear is a children’s character.
"I would appreciate reports of the event explaining that I ticked perhaps 10 different offensive words on the night of the awards.
"The N-word was one of these, and I completely understand its significance in history and in the modern world, but most articles are giving the impression I shouted one single slur on Sunday."
Olivia Burke