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Topics: The White Lotus, Celebrity, Mental Health
Warning: This article contains discussion of suicide which some readers may find distressing.
The White Lotus star Walton Goggins faced a devastating reminder of his wife's suicide on returning to Thailand.
The 53-year-old, who portrays Rick Hatchett on the HBO show, said he found the role deeply resonant, as Rick deals with personal loss.
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Goggins' first wife Leanne died by suicide in 2004. They were estranged by the time of her death.
In the aftermath, the actor embarked on a three-year healing journey through Southeast Asia, which began in Thailand.
Almost two decades later, Goggins returned to Thailand to film season three of The White Lotus.
“It’s a very complicated story,” he told GQ earlier this year.
“Ultimately it was revealed the decision that she’d made. And yeah—I thought it was really unrecoverable for me. Life on the other side of that.
“And I spent the next three years looking for an excuse—not to end it, but certainly putting myself in situations that were questionable, not with drugs or anything like that, just life experiences and traveling. And I really went all over the world.”
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After arriving in Thailand to shoot the TV series, Goggins remembered: “The first island we were staying on.
“I realised, ‘I’ve been on this road before’. And then the next island we went to, I realised, ‘I’ve definitely been on this beach before. I know this boardwalk.’ And all of the things kept coming back.”
Goggins said he was able to recognise the dock and hotel in front of where they shot.
“That’s where I was the very first day I came here, 20 years ago, and in so much f**king pain, man,” he added.
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“I think I haven’t had the time to fully unpack the symmetry between those two people showing up at the same place, separated by 20 years,” he admitted. “And a wife and a kid and peace and all the rest of it.”
The actor admitted that he 'wish he could hug' his former self and tell him that life was 'going to be okay'.
Goggins met filmmaker Nadia Conners in 2005 and the pair got married in 2011.
That same year, the couple welcomed their son Augustus Somerset Goggins.
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He wished he could tell the 2004 version of himself that 'life continues, and it continues for everybody if you can just hold on and lean into it and keep walking the walk that you’re walking, and keep looking for the answers'.
If you’ve been affected by any of these issues and want to speak to someone in confidence, please don’t suffer alone. Call Samaritans for free on their anonymous 24-hour phone line on 116 123.