Woman accused of being 'embarrassing and tacky' after not ordering food at engagement meal

A woman was called ‘embarrassing and tacky’ by her best friend after refusing to order food at her engagement meal.

The anonymous 23-year-old shared her story in Reddit’s popular ‘Am I the A**hole’ thread.

She explains how her friend, who has been given the pseudonym 'Jane', recently got engaged and her future in-laws aren’t from the same country and have never met in person.

So Jane decided to plan an engagement dinner so the two sides of the family could meet while her partner’s parents were in town.

The Reddit user and another long-time friend were also invited, since they had been pals with Jane since childhood. Initially the dinner was set to take place at Jane’s house, but the location then changed to a restaurant when her AC broke down.

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“She told me she wanted to make a good impression for the parents so she picked a super fancy restaurant,” the Reddit user explained. “My heart immediately sank because I knew I simply couldn’t afford this place especially with such short notice.

"Embarrassed (my friend has always been well off) by my financial situation I told her that something came up and I wasn’t able to make it tonight. She went quiet on the phone and then began to beg me to come. She said it would mean a lot and help her feel less nervous. Feeling bad I agreed to come.”

The Reddit user ‘got dressed up’ and drove the hour-long journey to the restaurant and once she arrived, she sat next to her pal and across from her future mother-in-law.

“When the waitress gave everyone their menus I didn’t pick mine up and just made small talk with people at the table until it came time to order. Everyone ordered their food with whatever fancy drink." she said.

"When it came to me I just shook my head and said “just water please, thank” and smiled.

"Everyone immediately looked uncomfortable and the waitress asked if I was sure which did make me feel a little embarrassed and said yes before looking at my friend for her to order. I sat at the table and continued in small talk.”

She continued: “I thought all was good until the next day my friend texted me saying that what I did was embarrassing, tacky, and made her look bad in front of her In-laws.

“So now I feel bad. I didn’t think it would be embarrassing for her. I figured if anyone would be embarrassed it would be me. So I don’t know.

"I wanted to support my friend but I should have been honest about why I originally couldn’t come and not have gone.”

Now, the woman's dilemma is at the centre of a heated debate, with people defending both her and Jane for the dinner situation.

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One Reddit user replied: “NTA [not the a**hole] - While it’s nobody else’s business what your financial situation is, I think it would have been a wise move to be up front and simply say, ‘I can’t go there tonight. I’m sorry. I just don’t have it in my budget at the moment. I hope you have a great night!’”

Another person simply said: “NTA. Friends don’t let friends go hungry.”

On the other hand, another commenter wrote: “YTA [you’re the a**hole] - you lied to your friend instead of owning up to why you really couldn’t go, I totally understand not being able to afford a whole dinner but by lying you’re in the wrong.”

While someone else quipped: “YTA - Nobody said anything because they are too polite to do so. It is rude af to turn up to a restaurant and not order anything. Even ordering only drinks would be rude.

"If you are not interested in ordering food (whatever the reason), you should have declined the invitation.”