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Topics: Christmas, Sex and Relationships, Health
Joe Harker
Christmas is but two days away and the excitement for the most wonderful time of the year must surely be mounting.
If you're not feeling sufficiently festive then you might decide to give Santa Claus something interesting to look at while he sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake.
Yes, 'tis the season to be jolly and we're talking about something which makes a lot of people very jolly all year round.
However, if course there's a festive twist to things as there's some positions you can try with your partner which are apparently more festive than just having sex.
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I'm not entirely sure what makes a position more or less Christmassy than another, but it seems to be the ability to lend itself well to a pun.
With that in mind, you might want to be careful if you give the 'Jingle Bells' move a go, and while we're going to tell you what it is, I suspect quite a few of you will already know which bells are going to be jingled.
Basically for this one to work, one of the two of you is going to need a set of gonads, and you'll be lying on your back.
Your partner will be... atop you, in either the 'Cowgirl' or 'Reverse Cowgirl' position, in this case it's really going to be dealer's choice.
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From there they can reach down and give your bells a good jingling, which will presumably put you in the Christmas spirit and leave you thinking it really is the most wonderful time of the year.
Just remember that Santa Claus is watching.
One more thing, you will of course want to be very careful in this position not to be that couple who can't make the Christmas dinner because you've had to rush to A&E.
According to The Guardian, doctors have warned that the risk of a 'penile fracture' appears to be higher around Christmas as couples try this sort of festive fun.
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There's nothing wrong with really getting deep into something other than the Christmas spirit as long as you don't get too wild with it.
If you do then you might hear an 'audible crack' followed by a rapid loss of erection (the words 'no s**t, Sherlock come to mind) and your candy cane taking on the appearance of an eggplant.
Positions most at risk for this are the ones where you're not facing your partner, so if you're in Reverse Cowgirl and doing a spot of Jingle Bells while there be very careful.
Also remember to jingle the bells, not crush, tear or otherwise wrench them painfully.