Dating expert warns over 'micro-cheating' and the signs that you're doing it

I know what you're thinking: "Another stupid dating term I do not need in my life."

We get it! I mean, the idea of constantly putting a label on normal things can get pretty exhausting.

When it comes to dating trends, we already have beige flags, getting zombied, being phubbed and ‘frog-ization’, just to name a few.

However, 'micro-cheating' is perhaps a bit more straightforward and you can probably guess what it means by the name.

Dating expert Mel Schilling - best known for being one of the experts on Married at First Sight - has referred to it as ‘a series of seemingly small actions that indicate a person is emotionally or physically focused on someone outside their relationship’.

If you're doing it, you probably don't realise you're doing it. (Getty Stock Images)

What classes as micro-cheating?

The sort of actions that could be considered micro-cheating are having a sneaky look on dating apps to see what else is out there; sending flirty messages to an acquaintance without your partner’s knowledge; or not being entirely truthful about your relationship status to others.

Could you be guilty of micro-cheating?

Shilling explained: “You might be engaging in micro-cheating if you secretly connect with another guy/girl on social media; if you share private jokes; if you downplay the seriousness of your relationship to another guy/girl; or if you enter their name under a code in your phone.

"These are all signs that you are conducting a 'covert flirtation' and keeping it from your partner. If you feel you have something to hide, ask yourself why.

"Secrecy is the tell-tale sign. Micro-cheating is a subtle betrayal and it needs secrecy to fuel its fire.”

Micro-cheating is ‘a series of seemingly small actions'. (Getty Stock Images)

Difference between flirting and micro-cheating

If you’re reading this and think it all sounds harmless enough - then beware, as another expert thinks it could be a way for people to ‘test the borders’.

Relationship expert Susan Winter told The Independent: “Although micro-cheating may not be physical cheating, it’s certainly testing the borders of emotional cheating.

"Flirting is flirting. And flirting is the act of fanning a spark that can easily spread to a flame.”

While many of us like to engage in the odd bit of flirting, Shilling stresses that it’s the intention behind it which is important.

And she warns that if you allow your other half to get away with micro-cheating, you can undermine your place in the relationship and be giving your partner the chance to ‘have their cake and eat it’.

"By allowing this, you are effectively saying 'It's ok to flirt with him/her, I'm happy to take second place and I don't really matter.' Over time, this can erode your self esteem and set you up to be the 'victim' in your relationship."

Topics: Sex and Relationships

Anish Vij

Anish is a GG2 Young Journalist of the Year 2024 finalist. He has a Master's degree in Multimedia Journalism and a Bachelor's degree in International Business Management. Apart from that, his life revolves around the ‘Four F’s’ - family, friends, football and food. Email: [email protected]

@Anish_Vij