Woman sparks debate after ‘red flag’ man doesn’t pay bill on second date

It’s a question that has been debated for years and everyone always has a different answer - who should pay on a date.

Traditionally men are the ones expected to pay, although modern daters may opt to go dutch and split the bill between them.

This age-old conundrum has spilled over onto Mumsnet, where a woman revealed she had part ways with her cash on a second date - and she wasn’t happy about it.

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“Met a guy online,” the Mumsnet post began. “First date, walk in the countryside near to where he lived. Seemed a really nice guy with great interests and gorgeous dog.

“Stopped at a café and had sandwich lunch about £8 each, no alcohol or anything. Very kindly he offered to pay and I accepted. No kiss or anything like that.”

She continued: “Second date he said he was going to be working near me and would I like to do something. I offered to book a pub dinner near to where he would clock off.”

Although the woman said the date went well, alarm bells rang when she saw the prices.

“Again it went well I thought, but conscious on seeing the prices on the menu I knew I wouldn’t want him to pay for me particularly as he had bought me the sandwich,” she said.

“At the end of the meal when he asked for the bill, I said ‘you paid last time so I don’t want you paying again’.

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“He misconstrued this as me saying I would settle the whole thing (what I meant was we just had split it) and I guess I was so flummoxed that this had happened I just paid, especially since the waitress was kind of hovering over us…I was embarrassed to talk about it. Bill was £110!

“I guess I just wonder if this is a major red flag. I don’t know him well enough to determine and honestly it’s put me off I don’t think I want to meet up again.”

After sharing her thoughts about the man’s behaviour, she added: “Yes I can afford it as I’ve worked really hard to build up my own business. I didn’t tell about money at all and am not flashy but I did talk about what I do and maybe he just made an assumption?”

People on Mumsnet had a mixed reaction to the woman declaring the man’s behaviour a ‘red flag’.

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One person said: “I think you didn't communicate clearly and are now a bit embarrassed by not clarifying what you meant. From his POV, you offered to pay and he accepted.”

Another person said: “Sounds like a misunderstanding on his part to me. Perhaps see what happens on a 3rd date and if you see it going anywhere before you bin him.

“However if he doesn't offer to pay this time then yeah, he's not a keeper.”

While someone else wrote: “I think you said you wanted to pay the bill. Certainly that’s what it sounds like. If someone said that to me I’d probably protest given the value, but he might also have been flustered.

“After all, you chose the venue, so would have looked at prices in advance. You also offered to pay, although you probably weren’t clear that you were only offering to pay for yourself.”

So, what do you think?