Signs of Rebecca syndrome to look out for in your relationship that could be having an affect without even realising

A huge amount of relationships are affected by something called 'Rebecca syndrome', which gets the name from a 1938 novel about a woman that marries a wealthy man who is clearly not over his dead first wife.

Her new bloke and basically everyone around her thinks the first wife was brilliant, leaving her in a stew over the long shadow cast by her predecessor.

More than half of relationships are affected by Rebecca syndrome, with people struggling to avoid comparing themselves to their partner's ex.

It's also known as retroactive jealousy, so you might end up feeling a pathological sense of envy towards someone you don't even know.

To deal with a problem, you first need to know it's there, and if you want to spot the signs of Rebecca syndrome within yourself, you'll need to keep your eyes peeled and have a good sense of yourself.

Why the picture of Lily James? Because she was in a Netflix movie version of Rebecca in 2020. (Netflix)

You are always on my mind

Psychologist Dr. Louise Goddard-Crawley told Newsweek one of the main signs of Rebecca syndrome was having an 'obsessive preoccupation' with your partner's ex.

Those who are suffering with it are 'constantly thinking about their partner's previous romantic or sexual relationships', so if you catch yourself doing this, you might have Rebecca syndrome.

"Did he hug her more than he hugs me?" (Getty Stock Photo)

"You know, Rebecca always used to..."

The psychologist said that your jealous behaviour might manifest in certain ways, including trying to control their partner or get more into their lives.

She said: "The individual may engage in controlling or intrusive behaviour, such as checking their partner's messages or trying to isolate them from others, in an attempt to manage their jealousy."

If you catch yourself or your partner doing this then you'd best beware of Rebecca syndrome.

"I bet he's thinking about how much better his ex was." (Getty Stock Photo)

Paranoia creeps in

How are you supposed to compete with someone who isn't even there to make a fool of themselves?

Dr Goddard-Crawley said a way the jealousy might manifest was in serious paranoia, leading someone into 'believing that the ex-partner remains a threat to the current relationship'.

Your other half could be very much into you, but if Rebecca syndrome is wedged into the relationship, there's going to be a lot of thinking that they might have preferred things more previously.

Oh, you know this isn't a good idea. (Getty Stock Photo)

How to avoid it

One of the ways to avoid running into this is to simply not engage the idiot gear and start digging up your partner's exes.

That's easier said than done but if you don't ask about the way they were and what they used to do together, then you don't have a yardstick to imagine what you're not measuring up to.

Psychotherapist Toby Ingham suggested you should steer clear of them on social media and 'monitor yourself'.