Featured Image Credit: Tiktok/Kelseywonderlin/Getty Stock Images
Topics: Dating trends, News, Sex and Relationships
Britt Jones
Topics: Dating trends, News, Sex and Relationships
Dating is a hard road to navigate, especially when you don’t know what hidden red flags are.
Thankfully, a relationship expert has come out to share her seven red flags that after often mistaken by women as green flags in relationships.
Kelsey Wonderlin, a dating coach and therapist, explained that there are some major things you need to be looking out for, otherwise it could be detrimental in the future.
Here’s what you need to be wary of, according to Wonderlin.
The expert said that anyone trying to 'woo' a partner is a red flag, even though there are a lot of women who like to be wined and dined on dates.
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I mean, there’s a whole genre on booktok (TikTok book videos) where women love to be pursued by a hotty.
Okay, so maybe you don’t want a man planning your wedding and talking about having kids on the first or second date.
If it’s a general conversation about what you’d like to see happen in the future, nonspecific to the woman he’s sitting across from, sure.
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But not like, ‘our kids would be so cute’, because that’s a lot.
Mm, Wonderlin might lose a chunk of followers for this.
While having the man pay for the meal is something that some ladies enjoy as it feels more ‘traditional’, splitting the bill is probably the best way to go.
She explains that this shows you aren’t something to be won over.
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So, gifts, meals and any freebies are a no from her.
Courting is a very traditional saying, and while again, many enjoy that aspect, Wonderlin states that ‘courting can distract both parties from focusing on the deeper qualities that are important for discerning if you're truly compatible: emotional maturity, core values.’
She said courting can 'indicate a lack of healthy relationship skills' or lack of intelligence.
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“Healthy relationships don't begin this way. They begin with both people putting in effort and genuinely getting to know each other rather than wooing each other. Sometimes, 'courting' even hides love bombing,” she added.
Leading is great as a boss, but as a boyfriend? It’s not what you want.
This could create an unhealthy dynamic or power imbalance.
She explained: “When one person leads in a dynamic, BY DESIGN, one person leads and one person follows.
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“Think about the areas of life we use the term 'lead' - A boss. A superior. One person in a position of power over another.
“In equal partnership, we lead ourselves & LEAN on each other at times. We divide up tasks based on our preferences & strengths. But EACH partner does this & it's discussed as a TEAM.”
Yikes.
While it’s nice to know that someone is infatuated by your presence and you become so ingrained into their lifestyle, it shouldn’t be incomplete.
A person who has their life sorted out on their own is always attractive.
Seeing each other for regular dates is fine, but daily outings can lead to you becoming separated from your friends and family quickly and without you knowing.
She warned abusive relationships involve a heavy period of 'wooing' at the beginning.
So, while you think he’s just in need of some extra time with you, he might be planning a way to isolate you instead.
Of course, many people were up in arms about this advice, especially men who began bashing feminism (sigh) and women for being too picky.
However, some women and men agreed with Wonderlin, sharing that it could be a controlling mechanism or someone who is insecure who displays these traits.