Experts are divided after couples are starting to live ‘tolyamourous’ relationships, without necessarily knowing it.
You might have heard of polyamory - it’s a term used to describe a relationship where both parties consent to having more than one romantic partner.
What you might not have heard being thrown around, is what has been coined as a tolyamourous relationship.
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The world of polygamy can become a confusing one, with most people in monogamous relationships questioning how their partners don’t become jealous.
Well it turns out tolyamourous relationships are even more of a minefield, as you might not even know you’re in one.
While there's currently no solid data on the prevalence of tolyamorous relationships, relationship coach and researcher Marie Thouin, told the Huffington Post she believes they are likely ‘very common’.
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Unlike polyamory, tolyamoury is not discussed or agreed on by both parties in the relationship.
The term was coined by podcaster and sex and relationship columnist Dan Savage.
It combines the words ‘tolerate’ and ‘polyamory’, to describe the dynamic where one or both parties tolerate or put up with the other's sexual encounters.
In an episode of his podcast, Savage Lovecast, he introduced the term as ‘someone willing to turn a blind eye to a lap dance or a brief affair after years of marriage’.
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Savage said: “They’re able to focus on all the ways their spouse demonstrates their commitment and shows their love.
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“And all of those other ways compensate or make the cheating that might be happening tolerable.
“These people aren’t fools or dupes.
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“They’re not to be pitied - they know what they signed up for and long ago made peace with what they got.
“They’re willing to put up with it - a certain amount of it - reconciled to it, willing to tolerate it.
“They are, in a word, tolyamorous.”
Despite the fancy term, most people in a committed relationship would just call this cheating.
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And there could be a danger of people getting around cheating, by calling it a form of tolyamoury.
Polyamory educator Leanne Yau said tolyamory is 'probably, unfortunately, the most common form of non-monogamy'.
Another term that has floated around the relationship realm for some time is ‘polyfidelity’.
Again, it is a type of non-monogamy, which refers to a relationship dynamic where all participants agree to limit romantic and/or sexual activities to other group members, and are regarded as equal partners.
Topics: Sex and Relationships
Mia Williams