Nurse recalls moment she googled a patient and 'immediately felt sick to her stomach'
A hospice nurse 'immediately felt sick to her stomach' when she Googled one of her patients.
Nurse Hadley recalled on her YouTube channel the time she was assigned to care for a patient under the compassionate release programme where a terminally ill inmate is released from prison so they can pass away surrounded by their friends and family.
Curiosity got the better of her and she decided to Google the patient's name while waiting in her car outside of his home.
"I Googled my patient and felt sick to my stomach. I read this article about how he kidnapped someone and tortured them until they died," she said.
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"In this moment, I had this realisation that it was my job to make sure this patient had a beautiful, peaceful passing surrounded by friends and family when they had been the reason someone else's last moments were alone and horrific."
Hadley said she tried to forget it, but she was struggling, explaining she started to get annoyed at little tasks.
"Instead of hanging out at his home, I would go to my car, I was doing the bare minimum," she said.
"Although I still think I hid my feelings well, I felt terrible on the inside. I felt like I was disrespecting the victim whenever I was doing my job and my patient was pain-free and comfortable."
Hadley explained that she ended up going to therapy and had a realisation that while she couldn't change what her patient had done, she could make sure that she 'was nothing like him'.
"I can make sure that people do have a peaceful passing," she said.
"After that, I started to care for him really well, he had a peaceful passing, and that guilt turned into pride at my ability to make sure that people's last moments are not horrific."
People were touched by Hadley's video, and thanked her for sharing her story.
One wrote: "Thank you for doing a job that most of us wouldn't stand a chance at."
While another said: "I worked in the prison system for 27 years and I never wanted to know why they were in prison because it would not allow me to treat them fairly so I know where you’re coming from."
And a third added: "You’re human. We are curious creatures. His actions affected your perception. Thank you for sharing. You chose humanity. Even though he didn’t."
Additional words by Anish Vij.
Lucy Devine