'Dry begging' explained as expert warns people could be at risk of manipulation in relationships

When people 'dry beg' in a relationship they know exactly what they're doing.

Under typical circumstances, when you ask your other half for something, you either do it directly or indirectly.

Being direct is when you ask your girlfriend the hardest ever question in a relationship: "What would you like for dinner."

If you manage to get over 'I don't know', you might get a response like: "We've eaten in all week so I don't really fancy cooking."

In most cases, a normal person will say that because they might genuinely not feel like eating home-cooked food.

Whereas a person who dry begs might make that comment to get their partner to cook, or even to pay for a takeaway.

According to Tori-Lyn Mills, a licensed clinical professional counsellor with Thriveworks in Columbia, dry begging comes 'from a place of insecurity, fear or manipulation', Yahoo reports.

What is dry begging?

You could be being dry begged without knowing it (Getty Stock Images)

So, dry begging in a relationship is usually when one partner drops vague hints about their wants and needs.

The term 'refers to indirectly asking for something—usually attention, support, or validation—without clearly stating the need,' Jordanne Sculler, a licensed mental health counsellor, told Oprah Daily.

“The goal is to elicit a response without having to be vulnerable or take ownership of the request.

“The underlying message of dry begging is to make the other person feel obligated to offer support and attention.”

The danger of dry begging

Narcissists tend to use dry begging (Getty Stock Images)

Mills explains that dry begging can be a tool used by narcissists to get what they want, but equally not everyone who dry begs is one.

"With narcissism, there is a high level of entitlement. You may get a hint or a prompt, but you could get a lot more covert demands," the expert explains.

"Narcissists are typically seen as manipulative. And so there can be an overlap."

Colorado-based therapist Aerial Cetnar notes that it's when someone passively asks for something in the hopes that people will just give them what they want.

The healthier approach

Indirect communication doesn't automatically mean something is wrong (Getty Stock Images)

Just to make sure you're not doing it, Sculler says to be more direct about what you'd like.

A couple of examples she suggests are: "I’d love it if you folded the laundry this week," or: “It’d be great if you took out the compost today.”

Your partner might think you're taking the p**s at first but as is often the case, honesty is the best policy.

Just don't @ me if your other half tells you to go and do one.