Coercive control is so insidious it can be really hard to spot

Coercive control can be subtle and often difficult to recognise, both for those experiencing it and those observing from the outside. But it can gradually build into a pattern of acts to harm, punish, or frighten a victim.

Shockingly, in England and Wales, 43,774 offences of coercive behaviour were recorded in the year ending March 2023 That’s an increase of more than 2,000 offences compared to the year before. So, what does coercive control look like? And how can you spot the signs in a relationship?

LAD was honoured to partner with production company Merman and leading domestic abuse charity Women’s Aid to launch a new campaign to help people spot the signs of coercive and controlling behaviour before it’s too late.

A new short film, Van Wife, produced by Merman, powerfully illustrates how seemingly small controlling behaviours can escalate into full-blown coercive control and abuse. The film follows an apparently loved-up couple as they prepare for a life-changing trip in their campervan. They document their journey on social media and, from the outside, everything would seem to be going well, but as the story unfolds, the cracks begin to appear.

The female protagonist's partner displays subtle controlling behaviours that gradually intensify. He manages all the finances, eventually taking control of her phone, passport, and important documents. Throughout the film, he dictates her appearance, he isolates her from her friends, and he undermines her confidence, starting with gentle criticisms that escalate into more forceful put-downs and physical abuse.

The film culminates with the woman escaping his control at a ferry terminal, where she is met by a male friend who noticed the red flags and rushed to support her.

Van Wife highlights the insidious nature of this type of abuse and encourages viewers to recognise the warning signs.

What is Coercive Control?

According to Women's Aid, who work to end domestic abuse against women and children, coercive control is a form of domestic abuse that uses a pattern of behaviour to manipulate, control, and intimidate a victim. It’s now a criminal offence thanks to campaigning by the charity back in 2015.

Some common examples of coercive control include isolating you from friends and family, controlling basic needs like food, monitoring your time, controlling your appearance, your actions or finances, repeatedly putting you down, humiliating, degrading or dehumanising you, making threats or intimidation. While the majority of coercive control cases involve reports of physical violence (63% according to one study), it's important to remember that it can occur without it.

This controlling behaviour is designed to make a person dependent by isolating them from support, exploiting them, depriving them of independence and regulating their everyday behaviour.

How to Spot Coercive Control

Coercive control can be difficult to identify because abusers often start with subtle actions that may seem harmless at first. Whether you're concerned about your own relationship or worried about a friend or loved one, it's important to be aware of the red flags.

If you’re concerned about your own relationship:

Pay attention to how your partner makes you feel

Do you feel safe and respected? Or do you feel anxious, afraid, or like you're walking on eggshells

Reflect on changes in your life

Have you become isolated from friends and family? Are you giving up activities you enjoy? Do you feel like you've lost your independence?

Notice patterns of controlling behaviour

Does your partner constantly check in on you? Criticise your choices? Make you feel guilty for spending time with others? Control your finances? Put you down or humiliate you?

If you're concerned about someone else:

1. Look for changes in their behaviour. Have they become withdrawn or isolated? Do they seem anxious or depressed? Are they less confident than they used to be?
2. Listen to what they say about their partner. Do they make excuses for their partner's behaviour? Do they seem afraid of their partner?
3. Trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

What to Do if You Witness Coercive Control

We can all play a part in recognising the signs of coercive control and helping to prevent it. By raising awareness and offering support, we can help break the cycle of abuse.

If you suspect someone you know is experiencing coercive control, it's crucial to offer support and encourage them to seek help.

Let them know you're concerned, that you believe them, and offer practical help, such as helping them to find a safe place to stay. Avoid confronting the abuser directly, as this could put the victim at further risk. You can also help them connect with a domestic abuse helpline or support organisation like Women's Aid.

For more information and resources, visit: www.womensaid.org.uk.

If you or someone you know is experiencing coercive control, please reach out for help. Visit www.womensaid.org.uk for information and support. Spot the red flags before it's too late.

Topics: Spot The Flags