Warning: This article contains discussion of drug addiction which some readers may find distressing
A woman who was splurging £2,000 a month on ketamine has told how she started setting alarms in the middle of the night so she 'could have a line'.
Courtney Leggett, 26, explained she became stuck in a 'vicious cycle' after she began using the Class B drug 'all day every day'.
The mum first tried the substance - which doctors have warned can cause 'irreversible' damage - when she was just 16 and depended on it daily by the time she turned 18.
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"It was all fun and games at the start and then it got serious, it was a matter of life or death," Courtney said.
Two years later, she began suffering from 'excruciating' kidney pain which she initially put down to a urinary tract infection (UTI).
But it was actually Courtney's ketamine addiction catching up with her, as the drug had wreaked havoc on her bladder and she eventually lost control of it in 2019.
She went back and forth between doctors before being privately referred to a urologist earlier this month, who informed her she would likely need her bladder removed and a catheter bag fitted.
Courtney, who hails from Lincolnshire, explained that she has had to ensure she was either 'constantly near the toilet' or wearing a nappy over the last few years.
"It was a massive shock," she said of the doctor's prognosis. "I'd prepared for that for quite a long time, but it was a kick in the teeth actually hearing it.
"I was so ashamed of myself, especially becoming incontinent at such a young age in my early 20s.
"I became bed bound and I used to just lay and wee on my bed. I'd be laid in it for days. It's disgusting, but I was in so much pain."
Courtney confessed she blamed the constant smell of urine - which she says caused her mother's eyes to 'stream' - in her bedroom on her three pet cats.
Still, she couldn't stop taking ketamine as it was the only thing that helped subside the pain she found herself in.
To keep the agony at bay, she began setting alarms throughout the night to take more.
"It just completely controlled my life," the mum said. "I found myself using it literally all day every single day. I'd set alarms in the middle of the night so I could have a line.
"I knew if I sniffed another line if I woke up I wouldn't be in pain. But the more I was sniffing, the more damage I'd be doing. And then [when] I'd wake up I'd be in even more excruciating pain. It's just that vicious cycle."
At the height of her addiction, Courtney says she was sniffing up to 25 grams a day and forking out her £2,000 salary on the drug. Drug harm reduction websites warn that just 150mg is a 'heavy' dose.
The former support worker explained that her work colleagues eventually raised concerns about her as the grip ketamine had on her tightened, and she was ultimately told that she was 'not fit for the job' by her employer.
Speaking of a stark realisation she made at work, she said: "I'd be changing my residents' incontinence aids and then I'd have to pop off to change mine.
"I'd be thinking, 'These women and men are in their late 70s and 80s, I'm only in my early 20s. What the hell have I done to myself?'"
The 26-year-old managed to get clean in November 2023 when she fell pregnant with her now 15-month-old son, but relapsed in April this year after tragically losing a second baby.
"[Losing my baby] was what just tipped me over the edge," she continued. "[Ketamine] was a depression blanket for me. Ketamine was the one thing I knew would take away my thoughts, feelings and pain, my emotions."
She went on to seek help from a local drug service after a concerned relative called the police and social services threatened to remove her child from her care.
"It scared me so much that I would've lost my little boy, it frightened me into getting help," Courtney said, while proudly declaring that she is now six-weeks sober and has no intention of ever taking ketamine again.
"I think I'm a very lucky girl and I count my blessings every day that I'm still here. I'm so proud of myself. It's the first time in 10 years that I've not woken up with an obsession. There's no chance of me going back and I won't stop fighting.
"I know it's not that easy to just stop because everyone would tell me. But reach out to people and your local drug services and local GP. If they do try to fob you off, ask for a second opinion.
"We know as addicts that we're not well. We might look okay on the outside but inside we're damaged, doomed, poisoned and riddled with a disease of addiction. If I can prevent one other person from getting to the place I am at, that's more than enough for me."
If you want friendly, confidential advice about drugs, you can talk to FRANK. You can call 0300 123 6600, text 82111 or contact through their website 24/7, or livechat from 2pm-6pm any day of the week.
Olivia Burke