How to tell if your sex life is being affected by the ‘bristle reaction’
Your relationship may have fallen victim to the 'bristle reaction' without anyone noticing.
But not to worry, as we're going to talk you through what it means and how you can work past it.
Dubbed the 'intimacy killer', the term has been searched up by millions ever since sex therapist Vanessa Marin revealed it to the world a few years back.
It was first mentioned in her book 'Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life'.
Advert
What does 'bristle reaction' mean?
The term basically stems from the idea of not wanting your partner to touch you physically, which is a lot more common than you think.
“Bristling at your partner’s touch involves a knee-jerk reaction to them making contact with you,” Hayley explains.
“If you love your partner, you may not be able to immediately put your finger on why you don’t want to connect physically, but intuitively, you’ll want to move your body away when they come near to you.”
The relationship expert says it's almost 'inevitable' in long-term relationships - but the good news is that you can work through it.
“Some people are simply far more comfortable with physical touch than others,” explains Hayley.
“It could mean that physical touch isn’t your preferred love language – touch is one way we express affection, but it isn’t the only way.
“It could be a reaction to previous trauma, feelings of unattractiveness, or wanting a deeper connection from your partner.”
How to remove 'bristle reaction' from your relationship in five steps
1) Be honest
In any relationship, honesty is key.
If you can't be transparent with your partner, then you might end up with a lot of issues further down the line.
“Instead of creating a whole story around why you feel the way you do, simply state what is happening and, if you can, why that is," the expert advises.
"Acknowledging the problem opens communication and can help prevent resentment from building over time."
2) Establish love language
Some people like physical touch, some people don't - and it's completely normal.
“Not all of us give and receive love in the same way,” Hayley says.
“If you’ve identified that you like and need more personal space, for example, you can choose to communicate this to your partner and reassure them that this doesn’t mean you like them any less.”
3) More me-time
Sometimes you might be spending too much time with your partner, and when you're spending too much time with anyone you're bound to get on each other's nerves.
“Withdrawing without an explanation could result in them feeling anxious and unloved,” warns Hayley.
"Provided both partners are understanding of each other’s differing needs, this doesn’t have to be a negative for the relationship, and can actually help foster one based on trust, commitment, happiness and above all, love."
4) Share the load
If you're getting overworked in the office, or the kids are causing too much havoc at home, it's worth asking for some extra help from your partner.
5) Touch every day
This doesn't mean having sex all the time, but a nightly routine of just a kiss before bed can take the pressure off being intimate all the time.
“Make sure you establish physical contact once a day,” says Hayley.
“You may choose to hold hands as you walk down the street, or to cuddle on the sofa while watching TV to build on that connection with your partner in a way that feels comfortable for you.”
Topics: Sex and Relationships
Anish Vij