A man claims that he’s facing a divorce because his wife discovered that he donated sperm years ago without telling her.
Of course, there are a few ways that you could read this particular situation that would definitely be grounds for divorce, but this bloke claims that he did it to help out a classmate, has no feelings for her, and doesn’t get why his wife is so annoyed.
However, there is a biological child involved in this situation here, and he didn’t tell his wife for over a decade, so there’s a fair bit to unpack in this tale.
Advert
Let’s start with the premise.
So, the guy says that he donated the sample to an old classmate way back in the day, before he settled down with his wife, who was unaware of the whole thing.
Until years later, that is.
Advert
By that stage, there’s kids involved, and he apparently look exactly like his donor father, which seems to have started the whole problem.
Writing on Reddit – a caveat that means we should certainly take this whole story with a liberal amount of salt – the man explained that he has been with his wife for 12 years and the pair have three children together.
However, he now also has a child with the woman he donated his sperm to, despite having no existing relationship with her outside of that.
Then, years later, his wife found out the secret.
Advert
He wrote: "When visiting my parents, my wife and I ran into this family. Their son looks EXACTLY like me, to the point where it was uncomfortable."
It would seem that there’s a good reason for that.
The man continued: “Their daughter looks like my sister. They introduced us it was awkward but pleasant. My wife was completely blindsided... but I understand.
“I never bought it up with my wife because when we first started dating kids and fertility was a huge trigger for her because she had been told she would never have kids.
Advert
“But then we started popping out babies so I never felt the need to bring this up because I could legally never be involved with these kids. Like ever.
“She's threatening divorce. She's really struggling with the facts that our kids have siblings. I try to tell her that they don't that they aren't my kids and these women (their mothers’) mean literally nothing to me.
“I go years with even giving them a thought. In hindsight I could have, but I really was trying not to trigger a very sensitive issue for her and we eventually have beautiful children of our own.
“So I feel like the a***hole.”
Advert
Naturally, the issue of whether he is – in fact – the a**hole has people divided.
One said: "If I knew my husband had donated sperm it wouldn't bother me - if he knew that had resulted in a child and hadn't mentioned that to me I'd have felt hurt and lied to."
Another said: "Biologically fathering children to me seems to be one of those major life events that should be disclosed at some point in 12 years."
However a third pointed out: “You did not have sex with anyone. You donated some body fluids to them. They are not your children, even if they share some DNA with you.
“This was all made explicit through strong, binding, legal documents…
“So no, you don't have other children. Your kids don't have siblings. There just happens to be people out there in the world that look like you.”
Tom Wood