Spare a thought for Colin Craig-Brown everyone, who's just discovered that his prize potato isn't a potato at all.
The Kiwi (New Zealander, not fruit) thought he had unearthed a world record-breaking spud while out in his vegetable garden near Hamilton in August last year.
The gargantuan discovery weighed in at 7.9kg (17lbs), which would make it considerably heavier than the current record holder, which was discovered in Nottinghamshire, weighing 4.99kg (11lb).
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Guinness World Records had to send a sample of Dug off to get tested before crowning him the new top potato, but the results showed he wasn't a spud after all.
He was an imposter, a fraud, a charlatan and a gourd – which is basically an edgy cucumber.
Colin appeared via video-link on This Morning to discuss the disappointing discovery, forcing Phillip Schofield to issue an apology in the process.
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Reflecting on the revelation that Dug is a gourd, Colin said: "It's not like we've strived to do this, it's just a happy coincidence. We didn't plan to grow the big potato.
"It was a bit of a deflation but as you walk along through life, these s**tty sandwiches, someone tucks them in your lunch box."
Brilliant. His record-breaking spud is now nothing more than a s**t sandwich.
Asked whether he now plans to turn the fake potato into vodka, Colin said: "I did plan to turn him into vodka, but it'd be a bit like barbecuing your pet lamb. Just couldn't do that!"
It's fair enough if he's not ready to abandon, liquidise or devour Dug just yet; after all, they've come a long way together.
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In order to put him forward for the record, they had to complete a 128-page application.
They also had to send video evidence of him being weighed, as well as a sample for the ill-fated DNA test.
Speaking to Stuff in January, he said: "Do they think I genetically modified it?
"It makes me feel s**t, it's been a roller-coaster of emotion.
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"While it's extremely deflating, I want to prove them wrong. We will do everything they ask of us… so at the end of the day, they can say yes or no."
Alas Colin, it was a no, and the rollercoaster of a lifetime has now reached its conclusion.
Gourd loves a trier though.
Topics: Weird, Food And Drink
Jake Massey