A narcissist has shared their experience with the disorder online, answering questions and revealing what it's really like to live as one.
The user openly posted their thoughts on social media site Reddit, revealing more about what living with Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is like by answering questions from other users.
The user posted: "I am a diagnosed narcissist nearing remission. AMA (ask me anything). I'm proud of myself for once so I wanna talk about it."
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Questions started flooding in, as someone asked about narcissists thinking they were better than everyone else, not matching with the feelings of being sad and suicidal, seeing if this was a misunderstanding.
They then responded, stating: "It is misinformation."
"The main trait among all narcissists is that we have a self destructive need for attention and approval. Outside of that, there is a massive scale and two people with NPD can present completely differently. That being said, I've never met another narcissist that didn't hate themselves deep down," they revealed.
The user also revealed that this all stems from 'neglect and abuse' during childhood, saying it results in a lack of self-esteem and a sense of self.
They added: "I've had what can be equivalent to 'mania' and 'depression' that is similar to bipolar. The mania part I do feel great and I feel like top s**t, but it doesn't last very long."
When asked about how and when they got diagnosed, the user revealed that it took a serious hospital visit for everything to come to light.
"I was very self-destructive and I had a lot of suicide attempts. One of them landed me in the hospital where they kept me, monitored me longer than usual, and invited my therapist I had as a teenager in as well," they wrote.
The user also said that they didn't accept the diagnosis at first because it didn't match the description of narcissism that the general public had painted out.
"They told me if I accepted the diagnosis they could give me access to the resources and help I desperately needed...." they said.
"Pretty much told me my only option was put in the hard work to get better or feel like I was feeling forever."
Since then though, the user revealed that they wanted to feel better and that they chose to do this not just for themself, but for those around them as well.
When it comes to understanding other people, they said that they 'feel confused a lot', as they 'don't understand neurotypical mindsets', as 'everyone is so different'.
They gave the example of being a bit unfaithful: "Flirting with with someone when you're in a relationship for example. I know that it can hurt someone I love but I don't understand why. I just know it does so I don't do it. That's where I am at right now."
Apparently, the user's selfishness came from the thinking that everyone would hurt them if they were given the chance, so hurting them first wouldn't be as bad, as them being hurt was perceived as the feeling of being upset that they didn't 'win' at manipulating the user.
However, after receiving help, they revealed that empathy is easier for them to understand, as if someone is upset, they relate it to a similar moment in their life, and they'll understand.
They revealed that 'therapy, hard work, medication and people giving them understanding and empathy' have been influential in changing their outlook on things.
"We struggle with empathy because we have rarely received it in our lives. It doesn't mean we don't have it (some don't, but most do to some degree)." the user explained.
"You have a childhood that punished you for having feelings or caring. Telling us we are being manipulative every time we have feelings or try to care is just affirming to us those toxic beliefs."
Topics: Mental Health, Reddit, Social Media
Joshua Nair