Featured Image Credit: Lionsgate
Topics: Health, Sex and Relationships
Brenna Cooper
Branding someone a 'narcissist' has become so commonplace on the internet in recent years it's virtually lost all meaning.
It's a term that's often misunderstood and misused, with very little understanding among most people as to what 'narcism' actually is and how it affects someone.
So we sat down with an expert to delve into the condition and gain some insight to how best spot it in people you love... specifically, your partner.
For those of you who don't know, narcissism refers to a person who is self-centred and focused on their own needs to the detriment of others.
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It's common and considered 'healthy' for most humans to exhibit narcissistic traits to a certain extent - such as self-esteem and confidence - however this becomes unhealthy when a person's behaviour begins to impact others around them.
This can be different to narcissistic personality disorder, a cluster B personality disorder diagnosis which is diagnosed by a mental health professional.
It is also possible for a person to display unhealthy narcissistic traits without having an NPD diagnosis.
Unhealthy narcissism can have a detrimental impact on close personal relationships, which includes romantic relationships. So how do you spot a potential narcissist in a partner or spouse?
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According to Nawal Houghton, a qualified solicitor and divorce coach, being in a relationship with a narcissist will start with gifts, attention and affection before they suddenly switch up on you.
"They analyse and profile you," she explained to LADbible about the early days of dating a narcissist.
"They tell you what you want to hear. They mirror everything that you want back to you, and it can almost make you feel like this connection is super intense... [This is] the love bombing stage. Gifts, holidays, attention."
Houghton goes on to explain that a narcissistic partner will drop their charming facade as soon they feel as though you're under their 'control'.
"When they feel that they've got you controlled, they'll start to test you," she explained. For example, Houghton states that a narcissist may test their partner by getting angry over something in order to gauge your response.
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"If you then start sort of lean towards them and apologise and kind of make extra effort. They start to understand that they've got control over you and they can manipulate you," she added.
From this point onwards, the red flags become more obvious, as the relationship starts to revolve around the narcissistic partner.
"They're the focus [of the relationship] and your feelings and desires and wants become minimised. Any boundaries you try to establish are going to be ignored, and the relationship fundamentally becomes very one sided," Houghton explained.
"You're walking on eggshells, [it's] a little bit of an emotional roller coaster. One day, you're adored and you're amazing, the next, you're criticised and put down, you start to become very anxious, confused, and you're always trying to keep the peace so not to sort of make them angry."
When it comes to break-ups, Houghton cautions that splitting from a narcissist is not like a normal break-up, where boundaries and feelings are respected, but instead like 'coming off a drug'.
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She explains that to a narcissist, a relationship is a 'power dynamic' which means they will often 'punish' you for breaking up.
She advises people in this situation to go completely no contact with their ex, stay firm in their decision to break-up and don't engage with any provocations from the ex-partner.
"It's a complete battle," Houghton says. "The breakup is so difficult because you're emotionally attached in this very unhealthy, codependent way. So it's like coming off a drug almost."