Featured Image Credit: TikTok/vanessaandxander/Getty Stock Images
Topics: Sex and Relationships
Lucy Devine
Topics: Sex and Relationships
A sex therapist who's spent two decades working in the field has spoken about the four things you should never do in the bedroom.
Vanessa Marin, from California, has taken to social media where she shared four pieces of advice for couples.
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Speaking about her own relationship, Vanessa - who goes by @vanessandxander on the platform - explained: “For Xander and me, it’s taken us many years to figure out what a supportive, compassionate and accountable relationship looks like for us.
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“Remember, you are a team, and you can work together to create a relationship that feels even more supportive and compassionate."
In the video, Vanessa listed the four big no-nos, urging others to show kindness to themselves and their partners.
Vanessa first explained that she would never expect her husband to always be the one to initiate sex, just because 'he's the man'.
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"No way," she explained in the clip.
Not only have a number of studies suggested that men like it when their partner initiates sex, but it turns out that women want to initiate sex a lot more than they do.
According to Wonderlust, women often feel like there are social, cultural and biological factors holding them back.
Equally, Vanessa says she'd never pressure her partner if he wasn't in the mood to have sex.
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Everyone's libido fluctuates day-to-day, and making your partner feel bad if they don't want to have sex is a huge no-no.
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Vanessa says she'd never keep quiet about what she would like in the bedroom, out of fear she'd be hurting her partner's feelings.
"Be sure to discuss new boundaries and expectations with your partner in a patient, respectful, and intentional way, and go slow! Don’t expect transformative change overnight," she explained.
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According to studies, partners who communicate more about their sexual desires and preferences had higher levels of sexual satisfaction than those who do not.
Another huge bedroom faux pas is having a negative reaction to a partner's performance issues.
Vanessa says she would never 'make it about me' and used 'crying', 'pouting' and accusing her partner of not being attracted to her as an example.
Erectile dysfunction is common, with over half of men aged between 40 and 70 experiencing some form of ED.
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In a recent study by Superdrug, 23 percent of women whose partners had ED said they believed it had 'something to do with them', with 14 percent admitting their confidence suffered as a result.
However, 60 percent said it did not affect their relationship.